My Brain Not on the Drugs it’s Usually On

Last week, I had a doc appt on Wednesday. I hate going to the doc. Actually, I hate going anywhere. I don’t like being around people or in environments I don’t have any control over. The older I become, the worse this is. But I needed med refills and an A1C, so I arranged my whole week so I’d be sure to make it to this appointment.

The doc was sick and canceled on me. That sucked. It was almost shopping day, so I needed my refills called in. I made another appt for Friday–the last possible day to get them called in so we could pick them up on grocery day.
The doc was still sick and canceled again. At this point, I was annoyed for myself and kinda worried for my doc. Also, I asked the nurse to call in all my scrips.

Long story short, nothing worked. I still don’t have my meds and it’s Wednesday afternoon. Right now, my left foot has been tapping for about 2 1/2 days. I’m supposed to be working, but my attention span is shorter than JoJo’s. It took me three hours to figure out what to have for dinner because even thinking about it seemed so overwhelming that I almost just went back to bed. My anxiety is through the roof. Then I made the foolish mistake of reading the news–the kind of news that really makes me wish we owned a car. I hate for H to be out and about so late at night. He doesn’t even tell me now when cops hassle him and ask his business. I worry so much that he doesn’t want to worry me further–which in turn makes me feel like a basket case a’la Myra in Deathtrap.

I’ve also been doing this new thing, where I train my brain to stop thinking about something awful and start thinking about…absolutely anything else. So when I remember that Nightmare Client thinks he totally got one over on us, I can make my brain think about something else (like say, Doctor Who) instead of getting angrier and angrier until I’m punching pillows. It’s been going well. I’m getting pretty good about this–even knowing that many people developed this skill as children. I’m a crazy-pants, and I’m just getting around to it now.
It’s a whole lot more difficult without my psyche meds. I even caught myself wondering if my doc wasn’t messing with me on purpose because I’m so shitty about attending appointments. But that would be insane, right? That’s the rambling of a paranoid mind, right? RIGHT?!?

Watching The Daily Show though, always helps me feel better. No matter how crazy I get, I still have a complete understanding of why Barack Obama wasn’t at work in the Oval Office during 9/11. Because seriously, WHAT?!?

So yeah, my mind is going both fast and slow. It’s laser focused on stuff that doesn’t matter while being completely unable to focus on the stuff I need to do. Should be awesome to see how this all impacts my review of American Horror Story tonight.

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