The Grudge in Your Pocket

What do you do when you find out someone has been holding a grudge against you for months (or years even) and you don’t even remember the incident they’re talking about? I certainly won’t deny that I can be hella sarcastic. When multiplied by the vagueness of typed correspondences, I’m sure that can come across as flippant, condescending, or even downright shitty.

This weekend, someone I only know from one social media site PM’d me to let me know they were unfriending me. Now, if I upset someone, I def want them to tell me about it. I want to make sure that there were no misunderstandings, and that whatever the issue is, that I’ve been clear and kind and all that there. IMO, telling someone you’re unfriending them when you have no intention of discussing the issue is just lamesauce. I get it. You’re taking your ball and going home for some terrible internet slight or disagreement.

I was informed by this person that I’m totally condescending (a critique that I accept for the reasons above), and that my skill with words makes me both awesome and prone to upsetting, or even hurting people. I don’t doubt that this is true, and it made me pretty bummed to hear it.

But then…this person told me that they already knew I was mean and condescending because apparently they asked me to collaborate on a project with them. I have no memory of this, couldn’t even narrow down when it might have happened. When I told this person I was “too busy,” (they quoted me as saying exactly that) they took that to mean “I’m too good to work with you.” To that, I say I dare you to knock this battery off my shoulder, by which I mean “Why don’t you have a doctor look at that chip on your shoulder, seriously.”

Overcompensating for abysmal self-esteem is something I’m pretty good at. So I get why some people think I have great self-image. I don’t. If I did, I’d probably be much better at marketing my books. I’d also chase after big gigs instead of writing for one startup after another. (I admit, I do enjoy startups for a number of reasons) So yeah. Do I have an attitude problem? Probably. Do I come off as an asshole occasionally? I don’t doubt it.
But do I go around declaring myself to be better than other people? Hells to the no. And if you ever think that’s what I’m saying–for the love of Zod, tell me. Because that’s some shit I want to know about.

While I’m here, True Blood finale was obscenely bad, even considering how bad the show had gotten since Season 4. My gods that was terrible. Horrible dialogue, convoluted and absurd plotting all dragged out to a ridiculous degree. Go home HBO, and make sure The Leftovers finale is better.

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